Domestic Violence – who do you change – the abuser or the abused?
If you want something, anything, to change – the change must first come from inside yourself
I was traveling up to my son’s end of term carol service last Wednesday and became engrossed in Jeremy Vine’s phone-in show on Radio 2. I’ve just listened in again on the BBC iPlayer – and I am still saddened and frustrated by what I heard.
The topic up for discussion was the proposed change in the law on domestic violence in the UK – taking into account coercive control, which is the verbal and emotional abuse suffered by many women, as well as physical abuse.
Although this is not specifically the area I work in, why it became relevant to me as I listened and actually what made me sad and cross, was how these people were unaware of the possibility to completely heal AND move on after their years of very real despair. Some were still obviously victims and some thought they weren’t but, because they were still snared by negative emotions, then they were too. It’s almost as if society wants to have groups of people to feel sympathy for because it makes us feel good, and being sympathetic towards them is more for society than for the good we do them. Society would somehow be missing out if everyone was to suddenly jump up and take powerful control of their lives – who would it put its arms around then?
I’d love it if I had worked to enlighten and
3 top tips to show you how you can choose when your life begins again – Even when you feel as if it has ended
What I’ve noticed through my own experience and observing the dynamics of others’ break-ups and how they play out is this. The separations that are most painful, drawn out and damaging are those where one person is being significantly more demanding, more controlling and, quite often, more childish. As women we naturally like to please, nurture and make things right and so it is often we who find ourselves being the one dangled around like a puppet on a string. (That’s quite a generalisation I realise, and I know, guys, that you can also end up being played and finding yourselves dis-empowered too.)
One of my strongest beliefs is that we all have choice and in fact, the reason that you may have found yourself being thrown around during the negotiation period was because you believed you had no choice.
When you take the philosophy and belief of having ‘no choice’ into your life beyond your break-up you will remain dis-empowered and small. It is going to have a massive impact on how successfully you build your life now, what you believe you can achieve and whether you actually do achieve half of the things you would ‘like’ to. Now is the best chance you are ever going to get to re-design your life. You do have choice and you can choose to believe that now.
Here are 3 ways that you can start immediately to build what can become a fabulous future for you and your children now that
Are you over-thinking, over-analysing and losing sight of NOW?
Well, that’s something I didn’t do over the recent school holidays as I decided that ‘now’ was being with the children and putting everything else on the back burner until September. It worked a treat and we had a really relaxing and fun time.
The thing about relaxing is that it always has the most amazing effect, as it allows space for all those unconscious thoughts that have been nudging away over the months to come to the surface.
The result of this for me is a really exciting decision to take my business in a new, enriching and powerful direction. So I wanted to give you all the ‘heads-up’ that this is happening, and very soon I shall be blogging on my new niche and direction, which I know is going to be a really significant and important new way that I can help many of you who have been following me for a while and many others too.
Anyway, back to today.
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, ‘You’ve got to get out of your own way’. I’ve heard it so much this last year, and really thought I was doing all sorts of things to ‘get out of my own way’ – but nothing changed! Sad to say, it’s taken me all year to understand what it’s all about and work out how to do it!!
If you’re as puzzled as I’ve been, then relax as now is the time for your enlightenment.
It’s all about your
Can a hamster really teach you about the power of loving energy?
We are frequently told of the power of love – and I recently had an impressive demonstration of just that, and the lesson came from one of the children’s hamsters.
To cut a long story short my daughter wanted a hamster and chose a large Syrian one, against my advice of getting a smaller, cuter Russian Dwarf like her brother’s. However, when we bought it, it was small and cute as it was still a baby. The following week, I was away so Sarah stayed with a friend and the hamster went to the neighbour – and during that week the testosterone kicked in and it grew to 3 times the size, very hairy and not cute anymore. We were both horrified by the transformation!!
So we fed it and made sure it had water, but cleaning it out was a bit of a challenge as I had to get the gardening gloves on to stop it sinking its teeth into me.
Because it wasn’t cute, cuddly or friendly it soon lost it’s appeal and I’m ashamed to say that we even tried to swop it at the pet shop for a different one!
The other day as I was washing up in the kitchen I had a sudden feeling that I should check the hamster, and found him curled up, not snug in his nest, but on top of his shavings. He was very cold when I put my hand in and I thought he was dead, but he
